Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
