He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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