Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
