I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
God I need to hump something, right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
