Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
