Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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