My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
