so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
