I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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