i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
