shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
