so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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