He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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