did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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