bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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