Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
