thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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