I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
