there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
