the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize