It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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