If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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