yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
