last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
