Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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