don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
