did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
