It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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