So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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