Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
