His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
