idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
