butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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