the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize