My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
