You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
