So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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