It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
