everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm too high and old for this...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
