I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We need to get me chipped asap
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize