this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
