Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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