so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
