you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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