can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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