I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
