Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
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Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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