If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
