no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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