I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
