i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
