1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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