He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
birth control should be required to get into college
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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