well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
false alarm, still single
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