I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
