the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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