I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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