we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
