Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
