Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
