Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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