paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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