no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
