Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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