Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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