I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
we're so committed to being not committed
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
