are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
