its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
