Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
