Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
