i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
accomplished twins. life is a go
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
