You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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