Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
