Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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